How To Have A Brave Conversation

Do you sometimes find yourself avoiding hard and vulnerable conversations?

Me, too.

But, brave conversations are important. They can lead us to a deeper connection with ourselves and others. These conversations can also lead to a deeper sense of trust with the people we are having the conversation with.

Deep connection + deep trust = powerful relationships.

But, if you're like me these conversations haven't always gone well and they certainly aren't easy.

In fact, I've been processing something recently and while I knew that I needed to talk to my partner about it, it felt wildly vulnerable so I avoided it.

After spending a few days working up the courage, I brought it to the table. The conversation was wildly uncomfortable, but it went great. And afterward, not only did I feel like a new man, but I felt more connected to my partner in a way I haven't felt in quite some time.

I've been processing this and the more I look back at this conversation, it's apparent to me that it didn't just go well because the stars were aligned. It went well because very specific things happened that helped it go well.

So, if you need a hard conversation with your partner or even a co-worker, here are a few thoughts that can help it go well.

1. I asked my partner, Kara, if she had the emotional space for me to talk to her about something that I've been processing.

This is important. Don't assume people have space and ambush them. Also, when you ask, it gives them a chance to say no. And if they say no, then schedule a time that works best.

2. Kara kept eye contact w/ me the entire time & she made NO facial expressions other than a sincere smile here and there.

I was looking for her facial response to some of the things that I said but she didn't have one and each time I realized it, I felt safer to continue.

3. She validated what I had to say.

This was and is so important for me. The more I felt understood and heard, the more I felt seen. The more I felt seen, the more I felt connected to her. There's no doubt in my mind that this conversation brought us closer together.

4. She didn't make it about her.

This conversation probably made her feel vulnerable, too. And it would have been so easy for her to armor up based on how it made her feel, but she didn't.

Instead, she was curious with me allowing us to peel back layers and explore.

5. I then held space for her to speak.

In other words, I asked her how she felt about it all and if she had any thoughts she wanted to add. And she did, and it only deepened the conversation and the overall experience.

I guess I'm saying this because I know that hard conversations aren't easy. But with a little practice, intentionality, and awareness, it's the vulnerable conversations that can ultimately lead us into a deeper connection with ourselves and with the people that we do life with.