Living From The Gap, Or From The Gain?

There are moments I look back on early in my speaking career and honestly cringe a little.

But I also can’t help but smile—because it means I’ve grown.

Some of you reading this saw me speak in those early days.

You might remember the suit, the slides, and the version of me who was trying really hard to get it right.

I’ve changed since then. My message has changed too.

That version of me wasn’t fake. He was just working it out, in real time.

I think the biggest shift that’s happened in my life—and the way I show up on stage—is that I stopped living in the gap and started living in the gain.

That shift has changed everything for me.

The gap is what happens when we measure ourselves against where we think we should be.

It’s the mental habit of comparing our current reality to an ideal that’s always out of reach.

It creates a low-level dissatisfaction that becomes easy to ignore. But over time, it wears us down.

We stop noticing how far we’ve come. We only see what we haven’t done yet.

That dissatisfaction doesn’t stay in our heads. It finds its way into how we lead, how we relate to others, and how we see ourselves.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but the gap was my most familiar form of self-sabotage.

It helped me avoid the discomfort of acknowledging where I actually was.

Living in the gain is more vulnerable. It requires you to give yourself credit.

It asks you to notice your growth and let it matter.

That can feel uncomfortable if you’ve been taught that being hard on yourself is the only way to improve.

Living in the gain means measuring backwards. You look at where you used to be and where you are now.

It’s a habit I’m still building.

But every time I choose it, my capacity for more growth expands.

We’ve all gained more than we think. Growth, clarity, confidence, self-awareness—it’s already happening.

When we live from the gain, we stop moving the goalpost. We create space to enjoy who we've become.

It’s not about lowering the bar. It’s about honoring what it took to get here.

That’s something worth recognizing.

And, I hope you take the time to recognize it in your own life.

As always, I'm rooting for you. We're in this together.