How To Honor The Heaviness of Life
Kara and I were in the kitchen the other day when she looked over and asked...
“How’s your heart, babe?”
I was slightly thrown off by the question because I didn’t know where it was coming from.
But then I realized I was opening a second box of cookies—which, in hindsight, was a pretty clear sign that I was eating my feelings.
Once I noticed that, her question made complete sense.
Any other emotional eaters out there? 🙋🏻♂️🙋🏻♂️🙋🏻♂️
I took a deep breath, let out a long sigh, and answered honestly.
“Truthfully, babe, my heart feels really heavy right now.”
I think we can all agree there are plenty of reasons our hearts can feel heavy—grief, change, uncertainty, and all the discomfort that comes with being human.
And as much as I wish it weren’t that way, sometimes life just is heavy.
Over the years, I’ve realized the goal isn’t to make the heaviness go away, but to learn how to be in a healthy relationship with it.
When we’re in a healthy relationship with it, the heaviness stops feeling like something we have to escape or numb and starts becoming something that shapes us.
So, how do we do it? How do we stay in a healthy relationship with the heaviness of our lives?
The Irish poet and philosopher John O’Donohue once said...
What you encounter, recognize, or discover depends to a large degree on the quality of your approach… When we approach things with reverence, great things decide to approach us.
I’ve always loved that quote, and lately, I’ve been asking myself: how can I approach my heaviness with reverence?
Because when we approach our heaviness with reverence, we naturally enter into a healthy relationship with it.
Here are three ways I’ve learned to do that—ways that have slowly turned the heaviness into a teacher, expanding my capacity to receive the great things that life is always trying to approach us with.
Things like deeper joy, greater peace, and a stronger anchor in the present moment.
1. Slow down enough to feel it.
Reverence begins with presence.
When we stop trying to outrun the heaviness and actually let ourselves feel it, we create space for it to move through us instead of getting stuck within us.
2. Honor it by giving it a voice.
When we speak our heaviness out loud—to a friend, partner, or therapist—we stop carrying it alone.
Naming what feels heavy is an act of reverence, a way of bringing light to the parts of us that have been quietly holding so much.
3. Respond to it with compassion, not control.
Instead of trying to fix, minimize, or muscle through the heaviness, meet it with gentleness.
Talk to yourself the way you would talk to someone you love who’s struggling, and you’ll notice the weight begin to soften on its own.
...
The truth is, life will always have seasons of heaviness.
But when we slow down to feel it, honor it by giving it a voice, and respond to it with compassion, something begins to shift inside us.
The heaviness doesn’t disappear, but it becomes holy.
It turns from something we carry into something that carries us, guiding us toward deeper joy, greater presence, and a more honest connection with life itself.
And isn't that what we're all really after?
As always, I'm rooting for you. We're in this together.
-Caleb
P.S. If you know someone who might resonate with it, feel free to pass it along!